Seeing the Forest For the Trees
by Meulin's Disciple
Summary: Yuan has been without his beloved Martel for over four thousand years, but has yet to come to terms with her death. He decides to end his pain and finally put it to rest. So, he goes to visit the Spirit of Mana... Oneshot. Yuartel. M for an angsty lemon.
1. Chapter 1

**_A/N:_**_ Hai hai, peoples! Okay, look, PLEASE don't shoot me for not updating "The Twelve Gifts of Christmas" yet, but I've had this idea here for a couple of months and I finally had the inspiration (and was in the mood to) finish it today. Don't ask me "why?", but this particular piece is... very angsty... It's actually supposed to be more about the emotion and what's going on in terms of motivation and blah, blah, blah rather than the admittedly-lacking-in-explicit-detail lemon. But yes, my friends, this piece is FULL of angst! 8D_

_How did I get this idea? Even I don't know... All I know is that I have a very and odd vivid imagination. XD_

_Well, I'll bother you no longer. Read away, and reviews keep me from sacrificing puppi-I MEAN! from being sad! xO -hides puppy and sacrificial altar-_

_In other words, I would REALLY appreciate reviews. ;)_

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Green leaves littered the forest floor, almost blending in with the bright emerald of the medium-length grass. They made little noise as they were stepped on by a certain intruder to the usual calm of the tree-littered field. _I hope I'm not making a mistake… No… I _need _to do this! _thought the blue-haired half-elf trudging his way through the brush. He vaguely noted the trees that surrounded him. Some were very old, some were just saplings, but they were just _ordinary_ trees; nothing special. The tree _he _was looking for… Well, he would know when he found it from two things: the tree's mana signature, and the sound of panpipes playing…

_She really did love that instrument so… It was like a lullaby for Mithos… and it always calmed my own heart... _He stopped for a moment scanning every single tree—young and old—making _absolutely sure_ he didn't overlook the one he sought. _She always had that effect on me, with panpipes _and_ without…_

The half-elf sighed, he had traveled on foot for at _least_ two hours to get to this most sacred of places. The area was larger than he had once thought and thus, had taken him another hour just to _search_… and he _still_ hadn't found _her_. Yes, he sought a specific tree, but only because he _knew_ that along with the tree, he'd find his beloved. At least, that's what he always liked to believe…

He knew she wasn't his beloved, he _knew_ she may reject him, but she had the _soul_ of his beloved within her vessel… And _that_ was enough for him…

He wanted to move on, and he was going to do it the only way he knew how… the only way that felt _right_…

He took a few steps before he picked up on something odd. _That's it!_ He immediately whipped around and caught sight of a large and rather normal looking tree. But it was _anything_ but ordinary.

It was the Tree of Mana.

Only seconds later, the gentle music of a panpipe graced the air around him. He had to force back the strong, unrelenting urge to let go of tears that he had locked away for centuries. _So beautiful… Dammit, why did she have to _die_?_ he shouted inwardly. His exterior, however, remained calm as ever. It took him some gathering of courage to begin the end, the end of his pain and his suffering.

"Martel!" he called. He received no immediate verbal response, but the music had ceased, and from behind the tree walked his beloved's doppelganger. Once again he had to force himself to keep his composure—simple when one has been doing it for untold centuries. The woman looked exactly like Martel Yggdrasil, the woman who haunted his thoughts and dreams, alive, dead, _and_ reborn.

"Yuan…? What brings you here?" she asked. Even her _voice_ was perfectly replicated.

"... How do you know my name?"

"The soul of Martel Yggdrasil…" it stung Yuan somehow to hear his lover's name spoken by the one who could easily pass for a clone. Perhaps the pain was caused by that affirmation that the Martel before him was _not_ the woman he fell in love with, "I can see her memories. I know what she knows… I feel what she feels…" Martel placed a hand on her chest and closed her eyes.

"… Then you know why I'm here." Yuan sighed.

Martel paused momentarily, then took a breath before replying, "I do."

Yuan took a few tentative steps towards the Spirit of Mana. "You are aware that this encounter will mean nothing to me?" she warned.

This time, the ex-leader of the Renegades halted for a moment and flinched noticeably upon her words. It was what he feared most. But he reminded himself that though what he wanted would be completely meaningless to her, it would mean _everything_ to him… and _that_ was what mattered to him.

He wanted _closure_ and all be damned if he didn't get it.

"I am." he said.

Martel nodded in acknowledgement of his affirmation and stepped closer to him. Yuan looked down into Martel's eyes. Oh, how easy it was for him to lose himself in the artificial pools of emerald; it was just _too_ damn easy!

With one hand, he cupped Martel's chin and tilted it upwards. Then, after a brief hesitation, he touched his lips to hers. He knew her lips were artificial, that they weren't _Martel's_ lips, but Yuan was able to fool himself into believing that they were. He lost himself in happier days, imagined that he was about to make love to Martel Yggdrasil, not fuck the Spirit of Mana.

Sure, she didn't love him as Martel did. Sure, she was humoring him. And… _sure_, he was just using her. But he didn't care. For all he really cared, his touch was inflaming her nerves as his fingers delicately caressed the small of her back, that her moans weren't solely for _his_ satisfaction, and when he stripped her of her leotard and himself of his elaborately crafted armor, that the way she buried her face into the crook of his neck wasn't just to make him unbearably desperate to enter her… that the kisses and the love bestowed upon his partner weren't for the purpose of filling a void that was expanding within _himself_ and slowly and painfully ripping him apart, that she wasn't _just_ a substitute… Then he touched her intimately to ready her.

Yuan was lost in his own world from ages past, unable to bear the reality of the situation. The very _reason_ he was doing this was to come to terms with what had happened four millennia ago. He couldn't face reality without at least saying goodbye to his beloved… and this was his way of doing so.

He sunk himself into her, fucking her the way he would've made love to Martel; slowly and sweetly, the motions gentle and lingering. Each push was pure and utter bliss; every withdrawal was Nirvanic agony. Even as the Spirit of Mana lay prone and submissive and accepting beneath him, moaning to varying degrees with every movement, he didn't even have _her_ in mind, only concentrating on _Martel_ and the existence of _her_ consciousness, one of the innumerable souls that made up the Spirit of Mana's very being.

As a matter of fact, he only "wanted" the Spirit of Mana, not because of who she was, but because of _what_ she was: a vessel housing the consciousness of his beloved.

A vessel.

That's all the Spirit of Mana was to Yuan; nothing more, nothing less.

When he finally reached his peak, he shouted her name and Martel followed soon after. At least she did in his dream world. He might have felt her inner sanctum tremble, but he was too lost in his reality made fantasy to truly know whether or not she actually followed him in the throes of pleasure.

Once he caught his breath, he withdrew from her one last time before rising and dressing himself immediately. He began to walk away, only to stop momentarily to sound a heartfelt, "… Thank you." barely audible, and then left. As he walked through the tight cluster of trees back the way he came, or close enough to it, he felt ashamed for a short moment, almost swearing he saw a sort of torment within the Spirit's eyes during a moment of lucidity. But it was such a quick and short-lasting happening that he dismissed it as his imagination.

Even after he was long gone, Martel stared sightlessly into the forest canopy, still nude and vulnerable in the dewy grass. Feeling her heart ache deeply, she allowed a single tear escape her viridian eyes.

"Goodbye, Yuan… I'll miss you."


	2. PETITION: Message to Site Staff

Hello everybody. My name is Melanie (and some of you know me as such) but most of you (now) know me by my pen name, Chasing Noerah, formerly known as Chasing Yuffentine and—in the past—by a few other pen names. Yes, that previous sentence was indeed a blatant and ill-disguised allusion to Aaron Hanson's (egoraptor on Youtube—I hope I spelled his real name right) video "Egorapture".

But that's not important.

What _is_ important is that the moderators of this site have apparently decided that M-rated fics that contain explicit sexual content and/or violence is a threat of some sort and are banding together in an effort to delete the hard work of everybody on this site who has taken the time—often hours at a time—and the effort—a lot of it—to write some of the best erotica I have ever read (because lets face it: most people don't use the site's M-filter for the _violent_ stuff).

No, I am not ignorant of this site's no-MA-fic policy. I have been aware of it for a number of years. However, seeing that numerous (many) others have posted their own erotic fanfiction, I thought it well and good for myself to do the same. And—now speaking to whatever staff of the site who may be reading this, my unique version of the very petition that's been going around the site—do you want to know something? You may say to post on other sites like Adult Fanfiction, but lets be realistic: Fanfiction dot net is possibly THE most popular fanfiction site in America (I cannot even begin to hope to vouch for the rest of the world; different countries likely have their own fanfiction sites that have the same level of popularity as this one), and as such, it has the most fanfiction posted on it and has the highest quanity of high-quality of fanfiction that I have seen. I have seen other sites—Archive of Our Own, Lunaescence, Adult Fanfiction—and they do not even begin to compare to the vastness that is this site. Archive of Our Own, while a quality site, has very little variety of fanfiction within its categories compared to ; Lunaescence is even _smaller_ from what I could gauge, and it's not a very desirable site to be a member of in my opinion, as one's membership is revoked if their account goes inactive for too long. Adult Fanfiction does has a wide variety of MA-rated fanfiction (though it _is_ lacking considerably in some categories and pairings that I very much enjoy reading about), but quite honestly, I _fear_ to read most of the stories on the site; unless it's a story by an author from this site whose erotic fanfiction I enjoy, the stories on Adult Fanfiction just... give me that feeling that I'm going to be reading a bad porno as opposed to a story where I'm going to feel like a voyeur intruding on a beautiful lovemaking session. Plus, considering this site's popularity and its wider variety of ratings, I find that more—or at least higher-quality—is posted here as opposed to Adult Fanfiction. And because this site _is_ so varied in its ratings, I feel more comfortable traversing it.

Speaking of authors on this site, most of them who write and have written the M-rated fics that warrant an MA-rating (myself included; I'm not ashamed to admit it, nor am I scared to; I _do_ have back-ups of at _least_ my good erotica. And that prior statement was not meant as a threat; let me make this clear)—and this is the major point I want to make—use other sites, like the one you oh-so love to recommend (Adult Fanfiction) as a _afterthought_. That's right. These authors aren't _more_ active on Adult Fanfiction; they use it as a tool to assist against plagarism. I will admit that some authors will post less-explicit versions of their stories on this site and the uncut version on others, but many, many writers of erotic fanfiction (which will hereafter be referred to as "lemons") here post the uncut version on here, Fanfiction dot net, their main site.

Again I would like to mention the authors to you, the staff of this site who may be reading and (hopefully) considering my words. We—and I am only referencing us authors in specific who write erotic fanfiction—write lemons not _only_ because we want people to read them, but also because we enjoy doing so, and we enjoy doing so _very_ much. Regardless or whether or not we wish to make a career of it—or even if it _is_ a career for some—it is a passion for us _all_.

We have written and posted lemons here on this site, poured our hearts into their writing, our love for the fandoms of both the series and the pairing (or in some cases, threesome) for which the story was being written about being put into each and every word chosen (and I speak in general when I say these things).

We have chosen _this_ site for a reason, which I have said and will say again: it is a _very_ popular site for fanfiction.

And I would like to point out—perhaps most importantly of all—that if I'm not mistaken, your policy of no-MA-rated fanfiction violates the First Amendment, which promises Freedom Speech and Expression. Yes, it is a policy that is within your Terms and Conditions, but it is also one that not only violates an _Amendment to the American Consitution_, but also a _basic human right_—which is universal (even though not all countries honor all of its words. The United States—however—seems to)—the details of which can be in Article 19 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights:

"Everyone has the right to freedom of opinion and expression; this right includes freedom to hold opinions without interference and to seek, receive and impart information and ideas through any media and regardless of frontiers."

Check for yourself if you are so inclined, but it _is_ indeed there.

And now I _implore_ you: please, just leave us _be_! Leave us to our craft! Again: we _enjoy_ writing these types of stories, and there are people who enjoy reading them as well. By not allowing the MA-rating on the site, you are stifling our creativity _and_ our rights. Also, when you delete the stories we worked so hard on, it's a _huge_ slap in the face, especially if any such story has a considerable amount of reviews or views or favorites or any combination of the aforementioned, and mostly so if the author has no back-ups. If you are concerned that those who do not desire to read lemons (or young children) will come across one of these stories, simply either require an account to view such stories, or agelock the "MA" rating; either/or would be just fine. Reinstating the "MA" rating would most certainly benefit you—it couldn't hurt; it would mean more visitors to the site, and one of the aforementioned security would simultaneously help prevent mishaps.

Finally, I would just like to close my message with these statements:

You respect the wishes of well-known professional authors and companies, so why can't you respect _our_ wishes as well? If someone decides now to complain about having sexually explicit fanfiction on this site, then they would have no reason to if the "MA" rating were reinstated. If they complained after that, then they could be labeled as an instigator, as most—if not all—of such fanfiction could be very easily avoided.

Thank you for your time,

~Chasing Noerah


End file.
